Willingness to get turned on is the key to women’s sexual happiness

If a woman waits until she’s turned on before she initiates sex, she’ll wait forever! Seriously! Unless a woman is in a new relationship or is a high-sexed woman, she is more likely to be focussed on her shopping list, getting through the workload on her desk, stopping the kids from fighting or paying the bills than having sex. Some men get peeved with this because they can get turned on even with a list of chores to do. They don’t understand that women operate differently. So, how do you sort this out? The key is something called WILLINGNESS, an idea put forward by JoAnn Loulan, a sexual therapist writing in the 1980’s. Here’s how it works: there’s no fun in starting sex if you’re not in the mood. But if a woman is WILLING to put herself into a situation where she can switch off from her ‘to-do list’ and slowly shift her focus from being a career woman, wife, mother etc, then often her sexual arousal will slowly follow (provided there’s no pressure).

For example, she could take 15 mins during a quiet part of the day to cuddle with her partner while they stroked each other NON-SEXUALLY and chatted light-heartedly together. This would allow her to begin to relax and unwind from the day. In time she may find herself feeling more open to romantic and sexual contact. She’s beginning to get in the mood.  After fifteen minutes (or longer if she needs it) of this nice gentle ‘together’ time, she may then want to begin some sexual touching, which in turn can lead to feelings of sexual arousal. Now she’s really getting in the mood.

The point is that it was only because she was willing to put herself into this situation that her sexual feelings came to the surface. So, willingness to take the time to get in a sexual mood is an important key to women’s sexual arousal and satisfaction.

Of course, this can also be just as important for men who also find that work stress, family commitments or financial strain stops them from getting turned on and enjoying sex or romance.

Dr V.


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